Robot Inferno

Mechwarrior Online I'm pretty sure is in Open Beta, which means no one can sue my balls off for talking about it. If I'm wrong about this my only hope is a cease and desist letter before hand but whatever. The point is Robot Inferno.

Also know as "That's too many Flame Throwers dude," or "You don't actually DO any damage like that, you know that right? Tell me you know."

The short version is in Mechwarrior Online, true to the Battletech Universe, if your robot is too hot, it has to take a little nap and shut down. Normally it gets hot by shooting off your weapons, energy weapons run hotter but have no ammo, ballistics can run out of ammo but don't run as hot. Blah blah blah.

Now where I come in is the Flamethrower. Here is a breakdown of things the flamethrower does.

1. Close to no damage.
2. Extraordinarily short effective range. I like to call it Hugging Distance.
3. Causes your own damn robot to overheat faster than a.....a....a thing in a hot place.
4. Causes THEIR damn robot to overheat and roast them like a burrito.


Now as you can see the flamethrower is pretty heavily discouraged as a primary weapon. It's the giant robot equivalent of harsh words and daggered glares. Except worse because you can always yell harsh words from far away, sometimes even safely removed from retaliation. It is possibly more annoying just to mock your opponents in chat while hiding in the corner of the map, and it's definitely safer.

But on the other hand, there is some obvious value to fucking with the heat of enemy robots. What is typically referred to as a "Laser Boat" is a robot loaded down with so many lasers it boasts massive damage that will last throughout the game, with the only drawback being a dangerous heat management mini game to complete. You can only shoot your whole load two or three times before retreating to safety or risking overheating in the middle of a firefight.

Over heating in the middle of a fire fight is the second worse thing you can do in a fire fight. The worst thing you can do is explode.

So one little flamethrower can throw a wrench in precision heat management of your enemy, but it's hardly something you can rely on.

That's why I don't have one little flamethrower.

I have eight.

I have a robot comprised entirely of flamethrowers. Eight majestic gouts of flame embrace my foes as I charge headlong into the awkward hug zone.

In doing this I have sacrificed everything that makes a robot an effective fight, I have no ranged threat, I have no real source of damage, and in a one on one encounter I essentially am a free kill.

However with friends I am the most annoying/terrifying piece of shit robot you never knew existed. The huge jets of flame are not only terrifying, but if fired directly at the cockpit obscure the entirety of your vision. This alone is terrifying, at the same time heat warnings begin blaring as soon as you even think about firing all of your guns at once, each shot must be carefully chosen as the limits of your heat sinks are being pushed by a tiny mobile Armageddon.

I have made robots three times my size flee out of fear and confusion, I have shut down Laser Boats of all sizes as they fail to realize, just a single volley combined with the Eightfold Fire Hose is enough to overwhelm their systems.  And even though I personally do close to no damage, all of my friends enjoy two glorious benefits of my madness.

A shut down robot can't shoot my friends, it's too busy venting heat. A shut down robot is also just begging to be shot by real guns directly in the face. Repeatedly. And as soon as it tries to fight back, it shuts right back down again.

Were we meant to load 8 flamethrowers on a single robot? My guess is no. In fact I'm pretty sure they were created specifically to discourage this sort of activity.

Is this the most effective way to pilot and build a robot? Certainly not. If I have no friends I'm worthless, I die half the time trying to get into range, I often just overheat myself and die to focus fire almost immediately.

But when it works it is beautiful, and glorious, and most important hilarious. To see a 100 Ton Atlas turn and run from the 40 ton pile of fire hosing down it's backside is nothing short of ridiculous.

This is how I play Mechwarrior, and I encourage everyone to do the same.